Tag: Empowerment

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How we all doing? 

I thought I’d share my inner musings with you because maybe your brain works the same way as mine. 

How often do you pause before you speak? How many times have you stood outside yourself and watched as you spoke immediately whatever it was you thought and then shrink back inside yourself because – nooooooo I didn’t want to say that!!!! 

There’s my hand going up hahaaa! And for me it’s always more than a couple of reasons. One is I’m in my head not my heart. And that goes for both the recipient of my words and me speaking it. Others are anxiety. Overwhelm. Discomfort. Energetic boundaries. Crossed boundaries. Wounded conversation. So many things right? 

First thing I do is pour a bucket of kindness over my head when I’ve had my oh shit I didn’t want to say that moment. Next is a whole lot of whatever I need. I observe if someone has seemed triggered by my words – I take a look at myself and check in. Was I speaking for them or for me? We are all responsible for our own responses – and actions. 

I look at why I feel what I’m feeling. Did I speak or act from an old pattern of anxiety and not enoughness? Was I overwhelmed and just had a case of the old verbal diarrhoea to ease my discomfort? Did I feel uncomfortable with people I thought I should be comfortable with and overcompensate? Did I overshare because I have an open heart and forgot not everyone is my true friend? 

And another thing I did recently …. Well we all know I’m a talker for a living right, I’m a counsellor and energy therapist and sometimes? I forget my loved ones just wanna offload and not be therapised AND I forget – as one of my beautiful friends reminded me just recently – that I don’t always know what I think I know especially when I run from my head not my heart. 

Another friend gave me priceless advice when I was feeling overwhelmed and upset and a little lost about my often conversational discomfort. She said, ask the question – do you want me to just listen, give advice or do something? And I want to add in here – or just comfort with a hug.

So many things right? And I’ve felt and still sometimes feel and do alllll the above. We’re human and forget these things at times. 

This is a loving reminder to just breathe. Yes take a look at yourself if you need to. Give yourself a hug and don’t hang on to shame or annoyance if you’ve done any of the above. As Maya Angelou says, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” 

And please know there are layers to this quote. We can have awareness of who and where we are in any moment. Recognise an oh shit moment. And through our woundedness we just might do it again. Healing is in layers. So is knowing better and doing better. 

Be kind to yourself. You really are doing the best you can with what you know at the time. And that really is enough 🤍

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Authenticity

I was talking to a beautiful soul this morning, and we were sharing thoughts and feelings about being authentic and healing and those feel like crap days too. 

We saw a reel about someone saying to “just be authentic” and it got me thinking. It’s not always easy is it? I’ve found that it takes a shit tonne of healing so we can tune in to our own authenticity. If you’ve lived with pain and hurt and trauma, you may not even recognise what your authentic self is. Or even if you do? You don’t know how to be that because the wounds make fear louder than what letting go of the pain is. 

We feel the tiredness of the body and soul and it can be the tiredness of not being able to be your authentic self. But please don’t give up on yourself if you don’t know what it’s like to live authentically – yet. Heal. Just keep the healing flowing and layer by layer your authentic self feels free to be brighter than all the crap that’s been piled on you ✨

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Anger

Let’s talk about anger. It can feel really unpleasant, like a hit of adrenaline, overwhelming, intense. I’m not talking about hurtful violence or aggression or abuse, I’m talking about that body shaking heart racing quick flare of rage, that sudden burst and feeling of anger rising within.

We’re human, and we’re going to feel all the feels! And like all feelings and emotions, I believe anger can be a great teacher, an indicator of something that doesn’t feel right for you in that moment. Maybe a boundary was just crossed, an injustice occurred, or some unexpressed fear has revealed itself.

Anger is something you feel. It’s not who you are and doesn’t define who you are. When you have a chance to observe it, you then have a chance to reveal what truth lies beneath it.

To clarify the difference between anger and rage, Mel Robbins says this:
“Anger is a feeling you are having right now.
Rage is a reaction to issues from your past that are unresolved.
Both are usually the tip of the iceberg and masking something deeper”.

Have a look at the anger iceberg I’ve put in with this post. Have a look at what is sitting underneath the “tip of the iceberg”, does this surprise you? Last time you felt angry, what would have been the underneath feeling for you? Was it a how dare you? Did you need to speak about a boundary that was crossed or, was it a long sitting unaddressed issue raising its hand for your attention? Either way, we all know speaking angry words right in the heat of the moment doesn’t always go so well, I know it hasn’t for me in the past!

So what can you do to get you to the place to be able to look underneath the “anger iceberg”? Next time you feel the rage, the anger, bubbling up and ready to spill, if you can:

🔅use the 5 second rule – take a breath before you take action – give yourself a minute
🔅stop to consider why you’re angry
🔅be honest with the core emotions and feelings you feel beneath the surface

Let it serve you. Let it show you what is needed. Let it encourage you to take action either to speak up for yourself, or make changes you feel are necessary to heal the once hidden emotion under the iceberg.