You know what? Sometimes we just don’t know which way to turn or what to do next! But every stop, go, or not sure, IS something. You’re always doing something even if that something is making the choice to just…BE right where you are and nothing else.
Each one of these lights of direction is surrounded by love. This image is everything! Please don’t feel like you’re failing if you sit at the orange light when you don’t know whether to wait for the red or the green. At some point, those signals are gonna change and you’ll know which way to go.
Let love land on all the colours of direction. Of all the stages of uncertainty. You will figure this out. Keep this image of loved filled lights in your heart and know all is love and you will know when you know ❤️🧡💚
This post is for anyone going through physical changes due to menopause, illness, post birth, mental struggles and anything else that may contribute to altering your physical appearance.
This message hit me a little hard this morning. Because full disclosure I had a massive and confronting emotional moment yesterday morning when I saw a picture of myself and I didn’t like it. I was looking at this picture and didn’t recognise myself and not in a positive way. I can give you my reasons that feel valid to me – but at the end of the day this is a message about self-love.
It’s also a reminder that even with a toolbox full of life tools, we have our human moments. We experience grief at what we once were both in vibrancy and physicality. And so we mourn. We let go. We let ourselves feel the pain we feel either real or imagined. And we hold ourselves in love for a moment until it has been seen and held enough. Then let go again.
Now we bring in more love. Speak to your body. Thank you for housing my soul. Thank you for my breath, my consciousness, my movement. I love you. I will continue to do the best I can for you with what I have right now. I appreciate you. You are gorgeous in all your forms. I really love and appreciate you.
If you’re struggling with the “I used to look and now I look” moments, try these words if you want to. It is so healing and loving to honour the house of your soul. We are soul in human form. And that humanness needs to hear the wisdom of your soul when it forgets it’s more than flesh and bone 🌿
Feeling guilty. It’s heavy. It brings in all the feelings and a lot start with “I should”. Brené Brown says there’s a big difference between guilt and shame so maybe this will help clarify:
“Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is “I am bad.” Guilt is “I did something bad.”
Guilt: I’m sorry. I made a mistake.
Shame: I’m sorry. I am a mistake”
We’ve all been there with the feeling of guilt and shame. We carry the weight of should haves or should dos or we sometimes carry the weight of old wounds that leave us with a feeling of apologising for our very existence. Like we’ve always done something wrong or are always to blame.
Guilt can be a useful feeling IF used in the context of actually doing something wrong. It nudges you to own up to a mistake or a wrong doing and then allows you to say, I am sorry. I made a mistake or I was wrong. Guilt is not meant to be a permanent feeling.
Shame “is the gremlin who says you’re never good enough. And if you can talk it out of that one, then says who do you think you are. The thing to understand about shame is it’s not guilt. Shame is a focus on self guilt”.
So what do we do when the day to day feelings of not meeting expectations, feelings of emotional failures, I’ve let them down or I should be doing more start to drown out any loving kindness you can gift yourself with.
Own what you’re feeling. For example:
I feel so guilty that I couldn’t be there for my mum. What is the guilt about? Do you have deeper feelings of hurt in that relationship that has added to this? Is the feeling really guilt or shame? Did you make a mistake or do you feel like you are shoulding all over yourself? Is it internal pressure to be the perfect child/partner/parent/friend?
Or
Is there a deep feeling of not enoughness. Not good enough. Something is wrong with me.
Healing your inner critic. Your inner wounds. Your value. Your worth. Taking self-responsibility or handing back what isn’t yours to carry. These all lend a hand in healing the guilt/shame cycle. To leave you with the ability to see the truth of what is underlying what you’re carrying.
Next time you feel guilt or shame. Take a closer look underneath. Own what you need to, but please, set down what is also no longer yours to carry 🌻
The other day I walked past someone I used to know many years ago … she kinda looked at me funny and it got me thinking.
Growth happens on the inside where no one can see you do it. Days or years go by and someone from your past may recognise you from the outside, but they’ll remember the you you used to be. They can’t see the growth and changes just from a quick glance. And neither can you for them.
There’s a saying “if you knew me yesterday, you don’t know me anymore. I grow daily”. While parts of us may stay the same, enough for someone to recognise us or say you haven’t changed a bit, there’ll be so much more growth that’s happened that the person they used to know, no longer exists.
We all have parts of our lives where we wish we knew what we know now. Where we may have interacted with someone in a way we never would today. So let the person you used to know look at you funny while you wave hello. Maybe your connection back then wasn’t so great? Maybe you weren’t healed enough to be present, kind, tolerant etc. Maybe they weren’t either and they’re wondering why you’re waving at them.
If you have a moment like that, send love and kindness to that version of you, to that version of them and to who you both are now. Love finds a way to make peace where words can’t always be spoken. Grace, humility and truth. Then let go so the you you’ve become and are becoming can always continue to grow.
I don’t know about you but sometimes I “have a moment”. I think we all have them. And when I have my well earned pity party (**see below) – I sometimes hear myself speak the words, I give up. Because that’s what you blurt out when you’re overcome with all the emotions at once/major event is happening/you’re menopausal/struggling/crying/life is feeling hard. It all feels too big and maybe you’re spiralling and, “it’s too hard I give up” finds it’s way past your conscious gates of wisdom.
And then maybe one of those words finds its way to the more present part of you, and you quickly catch yourself and say out loud, “I don’t give up but I sure do surrender”. Last time it happened to me I surrendered to what was and is, to all the pain I was feeling, real and imagined, and gave it my full attention. And I just sat there. And gave it a voice.
And acceptance came. Then peace. Then that feeling of being fully here, fully present, lighter and determined. Then the toolbox full of life’s wisdom shone brighter and I picked the one for that moment. And there I was. I noticed it lasted a few hours at most.. a few hours out of 24. And gently gently I treaded softly for a little while after.
I call these moments the gift of the pity party and the gift of surrender. Because neither is giving up. They are both incredible tools for navigating difficult times and finding the light on your path where you step sure footed in your life.
And for those who don’t know what a pity party is: A pity party is where no one is invited but you. It’s a moment where you allow yourself to wallow in all your pain but, only for a moment. It’s a party after all. A start and end time so life goes back to being full of potential after it
I wish all of us moments of surrender, where we can find our inner strength and wisdom once more, to step so damn bravely into a world that can feel so damn hard at times. It helps us find those beautiful glimmers, those bountiful gifts of all the good life has to offer too.
Many years ago I worked in a retail store and warehouse, and when stock was on its way its was called “GIT or goods-in-transit”. It showed up on the books as neither here nor there. It showed where it came from and where it was heading but it wasn’t “anywhere” at that moment. And if we were doing a stocktake, it still had value and had to be accounted for.
See I think sometimes we are all goods in transit. Especially when consciously doing that inner work. We can feel like we’re neither here nor there, not lost per se, just not where we were and not quite where we’re heading. But we’re somewhere – here.
Next time you’re feeling that not sure where you are stage, maybe rephrase it to – I’m in transit. You’re travelling into your own expansiveness and that has so much value 🌟
I thought I’d share my inner musings with you because maybe your brain works the same way as mine.
How often do you pause before you speak? How many times have you stood outside yourself and watched as you spoke immediately whatever it was you thought and then shrink back inside yourself because – nooooooo I didn’t want to say that!!!!
There’s my hand going up hahaaa! And for me it’s always more than a couple of reasons. One is I’m in my head not my heart. And that goes for both the recipient of my words and me speaking it. Others are anxiety. Overwhelm. Discomfort. Energetic boundaries. Crossed boundaries. Wounded conversation. So many things right?
First thing I do is pour a bucket of kindness over my head when I’ve had my oh shit I didn’t want to say that moment. Next is a whole lot of whatever I need. I observe if someone has seemed triggered by my words – I take a look at myself and check in. Was I speaking for them or for me? We are all responsible for our own responses – and actions.
I look at why I feel what I’m feeling. Did I speak or act from an old pattern of anxiety and not enoughness? Was I overwhelmed and just had a case of the old verbal diarrhoea to ease my discomfort? Did I feel uncomfortable with people I thought I should be comfortable with and overcompensate? Did I overshare because I have an open heart and forgot not everyone is my true friend?
And another thing I did recently …. Well we all know I’m a talker for a living right, I’m a counsellor and energy therapist and sometimes? I forget my loved ones just wanna offload and not be therapised AND I forget – as one of my beautiful friends reminded me just recently – that I don’t always know what I think I know especially when I run from my head not my heart.
Another friend gave me priceless advice when I was feeling overwhelmed and upset and a little lost about my often conversational discomfort. She said, ask the question – do you want me to just listen, give advice or do something? And I want to add in here – or just comfort with a hug.
So many things right? And I’ve felt and still sometimes feel and do alllll the above. We’re human and forget these things at times.
This is a loving reminder to just breathe. Yes take a look at yourself if you need to. Give yourself a hug and don’t hang on to shame or annoyance if you’ve done any of the above. As Maya Angelou says, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”
And please know there are layers to this quote. We can have awareness of who and where we are in any moment. Recognise an oh shit moment. And through our woundedness we just might do it again. Healing is in layers. So is knowing better and doing better.
Be kind to yourself. You really are doing the best you can with what you know at the time. And that really is enough 🤍
I was talking to a beautiful soul this morning, and we were sharing thoughts and feelings about being authentic and healing and those feel like crap days too.
We saw a reel about someone saying to “just be authentic” and it got me thinking. It’s not always easy is it? I’ve found that it takes a shit tonne of healing so we can tune in to our own authenticity. If you’ve lived with pain and hurt and trauma, you may not even recognise what your authentic self is. Or even if you do? You don’t know how to be that because the wounds make fear louder than what letting go of the pain is.
We feel the tiredness of the body and soul and it can be the tiredness of not being able to be your authentic self. But please don’t give up on yourself if you don’t know what it’s like to live authentically – yet. Heal. Just keep the healing flowing and layer by layer your authentic self feels free to be brighter than all the crap that’s been piled on you ✨
Oh gosh what a beautiful insight into the gift of healing. This has been the most wonderful blessing for me in my own healing, and also witnessing the same for my beautiful clients.
Healing brings the gift of not reacting from a place of stored pain, anger, fear, distrust and woundedness, and instead, responding from a well of self-understanding, self-compassion and awareness.
The words you hear, including those you speak or think to yourself, take on a whole new meaning when you hear it from a place of healing not hurting.
Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. I know healing can be hard, feel overwhelming, sometimes seem impossible. Just keep taking your next best step. It doesn’t have to be big. The smallest changes can make the biggest impacts and every single thing you do to heal those wounds, makes a difference.
I was a single mum for quite a lot of years and this philosophy served me well! Especially around Christmas! I barely had enough money for the day to day let alone Christmas celebrations and the expectation of extra celebratory food or gifts etc. So…
I baked cookies. For everyone. I 2nd hand and $2 shopped for jars and put cookies in them, tied ribbon around the top and everyone, and I mean everyone, got cookies for quite a few years! My friends and loved ones loved them!
Do what you can with what you have with where you are. I had flour and butter and eggs and sugar and the capacity to bake. That was where I was at. I felt a bit embarrassed that that was all I could give but then I realised …. that it WAS enough and I was and am enough.
This season can get way out of hand – all for the sake of one day – and the pressure can feel enormous. Make it your own. Make your own way of celebrating. Do what you can with what you have. And sometimes that’s a great big bucket of love and joy – which is the best gift ever.
